my life is about to get a lot more interesting.
i will be married in three months to the most wonderful man i've ever met and i couldn't be happier. he's incredible. i wish i could be half the person he is.
i'm so jealous of him. he's so talented and i will never understand how he doesn't see it. he walked into the ctc and got 3 roles practically handed to him. three MAIN roles. i've been trying to get a lead for 5 years and i can't manage it. sometimes i find myself resenting him. but i shouldnt. he's my fiance. i just wish i could have half the talent he has. i'm so in love with him.. and i want him to be happy.. i just don't get it. why can't i succeed.. why am i not good enough.
and on top of me having TERRIBLE self-esteem, i am now going to be an aunt in august. my seventeen year old twin sister is pregnant. right around the time of my wedding. and my 18th birthday. so now i'm not sure how any of that is going to turn out. or if anyone is going to know i'm around anymore other than Seth.
i just wish i could make something of myself. i wish i could be someone. i wish i could show everyone who ever thought i wouldnt make it, that they were wrong. but i can't seem to. i don't know if i should give up, or keep trying. but i'm so sick of failing.. so sick of it..
Well, I don't think you're failing. Think of all the women who tried out for that! I sure didn't walk away with a part. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's crazy about your sister. But I wouldn't worry about people not knowing you're around. You'll be Aunt Brittney!
I'm there with you on having terrible self-esteem. It comes and goes, I guess, but it's always at the back of my mind. Why am I so lazy? Why can't I just sit down and finish this thing? WHY DIDN'T I GET INTO THE MOUSETRAP? Haha. Congrats to Seth, by the way.
Definitely keep it up. Keep trying. And if you're miserable trying, then *try something new.* I think you're amazing. :)